Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
