there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
