Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
