Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
