as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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