I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
