This girl is more easily done than said...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
