hotel room ftw
Someone shit on the floor
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
