so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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