my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
