Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dicks are not precious.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
