I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
