the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
