He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
