I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
