I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
