Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
