Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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