Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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