Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Couch. On fire.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
