Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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