Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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