For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
