Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Randomize
