Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
