I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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