Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
