maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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