Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
