Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
