I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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