i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
