i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Drake has all the answers
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
