i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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