I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
