did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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