$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
