so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
