i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
