i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
