She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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