what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
