my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I FOUND THE LEGS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
