I just threw up on my dentist
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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