You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
