just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
