i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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