im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
