Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
