hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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