I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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