Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
