Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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